I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
