After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
