I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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