Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
