Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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