home. puking in laundry basket.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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