So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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