this beer tastes like vomit already
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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