i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
