I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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