all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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