Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
