Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
