At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
