Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
