Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
