I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
