Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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