i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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