no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
