I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
