What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
