Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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