the day after is always just damage control
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
