Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Even water is tasting like jack daniels

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(734): View more from Michigan

dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks

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(407): View more from Florida

It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.

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(469): View more from Texas

Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.

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(216): View more from Ohio

And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.

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(210): View more from Texas

the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.

Fav 6 2118 783
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(716): View more from New York

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?

Fav 13 1008 1919
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(308): View more from Nebraska

In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.

Fav 22 1865 1017
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(616): View more from Michigan

I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.

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