Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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