Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
