if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
