New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
