she was so not down for the gang bang
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's official drugs can't kill me
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
