You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
