Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
