God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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