Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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