I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
