pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
a search helicopter?!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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