When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
