brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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