can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
