Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
