yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
