He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
