How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
