i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize