a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
