my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
