I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
