I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
