Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
MIDGETS
????
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
