how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize